Sky Sports wins rights to Great British Bake Off

THE next series of Great British Bake Off will be part of Sky Sports’ roster of ultra-hyped events.

Initially set for Channel 4, the sacred cake show was swooped up by Sky, who broke the British TV transfer record just 30 minutes before the transfer window was set to close.

A Sky spokesman said: “We’ll revamp the format to show oven insertion from four different camera angles as well as post-bake interviews with the people who installed the ovens.

“With his carefully-sculpted grey hair and inadvisable earring, Paul Hollywood is the Charlie Nicholas of cooking so he will stay on the show, but we’ll probably replace Mary Berry with Kelly Brook.”

Sky will look to increase the number of bakes to four per week over a nine month period with several additional episodes per week dedicated to ingredient-by-ingredient dissection of every cake made.

Meanwhile, BT Sports announced it has bought 300 old episodes of Ready Steady Cook.

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Man in favour of more competition doesn’t realise he would be f**ked

A MAN who supports grammar schools and other forms of competition in life is unaware he would fail spectacularly under those arrangements.

Office administrator Martin Bishop believes competition is always good due to overestimating his ability to compete with people who have more social advantages or are simply cleverer than him.

Bishop said: “I’m strongly in favour of grammar schools because they help bright kids to excel and talking like that makes me sound tough and successful.

“I didn’t do brilliantly at school but if there had been grammar schools then I would definitely have gone to one because 11-year-old me would have worked really hard and got in easily.

“Life’s all about competing, like how I got the last Twix out of the snack machine this morning because I ran into the canteen while others walked.

“I’m looking at my next career move now. There should be plenty of opportunities for a competitive guy like me, although I’m a bit concerned my only interview so far is with the Tile Mega-Warehouse in Swansea.”

Bishop is now considering competing “on his own terms” by starting a business that either sells owl-themed table lamps or does ‘viral marketing’.