But there was, you know, says Samantha Cameron reassuringly

SAMANTHA Cameron is struggling to reassure her husband that he did a great job and everyone does not hate him.

After quitting as an MP, David Cameron lay with his head in his wife’s lap and asked her what she thought his greatest achievements were.

Samantha Cameron said: “Um, wow. There’s almost too much. Loads of things. Loads and loads.”

David Cameron said: “Try to be a bit more specific. I know deep down that I’m great but sometimes I think that almost everyone else in the country reckons I am a giant arse.

“Or, worse, that they see me as indistinguishable from hundreds of other ruddy-cheeked alpha male toffs and thus no more memorable than a mid-morning packet of crisps.

“So let’s focus on the positives. What went really well?”

Samantha Cameron replied: “Um. Gosh I don’t know, there’s such a choice, it’s like trying to name your favourite chocolate in a box of Roses.”

David Cameron said: “That’s easy, it’s the toffees. We both know I like the toffees and you like the swirly hazelnut ones.

“I properly fucked it up didn’t it?”