Mobile library playing ice-cream van music just to f**k kids up

THE driver of a mobile library is playing the chimes of an ice-cream van on his rounds as the perfect way to upset children, he has confirmed. 

Librarian Roy Hobbs of Ludlow admitted he loves seeing kids stream out of their homes only to be faced with a selection of large-print Martina Cole novels.

He said: “It’s the disappointment on their little faces.

“They rush to the back of the van clutching their fivers and get offered a choice of Martin Amis, Ruth Rendell or the later work of Stephen King, and they just crumple up into tears.

“Occasionally I dip Bleak House into hundreds and thousands or stick a flake into some Will Self short stories, just to make it that bit crueller.”

Hobbs added: “It’s for their own good really, because books are better for you than ice-cream.

“Well, that’s what I tell them.”