Boris Johnson looks like ‘future prime minister of broken, war-torn remains of Britain’

BORIS Johnson looks like the prime minister Britain will have when it is a shattered wasteland of vagrants fleeing war, commentators believe. 

Right-wingers impressed with the former mayor’s performance in last night’s EU debate say they can imagine his holographic face looming over the smoking ruins of London in no more than a few years.

Tom Booker of the Telegraph said: “You couldn’t see Johnson’s effortless triumph yesterday without immediately imagining him in 2022 exhorting a fleeing population to fight the Volgan invaders by any means necessary.

“Instantly you can see him addressing ragged crowds in a ration queue, announcing that the city of Manchester is now a radioactive crater, or solemnly promising that vaccinations for weaponised bubonic plague are on their way.

“There’s just something about him that screams ‘ineffectual figurehead of dystopia’.”

Johnson said: “If the nation calls upon me to lead them while they hide in flooded church basements from tireless seek-and-destroy drones, then so be it.

“I shall not shirk my destiny.”

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Woman angry with boyfriend about what he did in her dream

A WOMAN who dreamed that her partner was having an affair with her best friend has remained absolutely furious about it for the whole day. 

Joanna Kramer of Bristol blanked her boyfriend over breakfast and has not replied to any of his puzzled texts because she is not yet ready to forgive him. 

She said: “He knows full well what he’s done. 

“Kissing her right there in front of everybody, on that cake stall I used to go to as a girl which was now on board a ship for some reason. 

“At the time I was distracted because I’d only just left an exam I had no idea I was meant to be sitting, but I woke up angry and it’s only got worse. He’s got some serious making-up to do.” 

Partner Joe Turner said: “I’m expected to buy her flowers because her unconscious mind decided I was unfaithful? Ridiculous. 

“Of course I didn’t tell her that I had the exact same dream and it was awesome.”