Ask Holly: I really hate that goody-two-shoes Jeremy Corbyn

Dear Holly,

I really hate that goody-two-shoes Jeremy Corbyn. He needs to grow  a set of balls and get himself in embroiled in a controversial war in the Middle East and stop all this fannying about being progressive and making me look bad. Why does everyone love this guy? He’s nothing but a pathetic beardy ball-bag. And why does everyone hate me? It’s not fair, what am I doing wrong?



Dear Tony,

It’s not nice when everyone hates you. No-one will sit with you at lunch and you have to wander about the school at playtime like a Billy-no-mates, trying to pretend you’re all nonchalant about being a pariah. The only thing you can do is try to become friends with the other outcast, Sharon Eccles, but she is a bit mental and smells like beef and wants to play funeral parlours, and suddenly the thought of eating your packed lunch, all alone, in a locked toilet cubicle seems preferable.

Hope that helps,