THE vast majority of the UK’s ‘banter’ fails to meet basic levels of pithiness, experts have revealed.
The Institute for Studies found that instead of witty verbal sparring most ‘banter’ consisted of unimaginative insults, normal conversation or simply random words.
Professor Henry Brubaker said: “Britons claim to love ‘the banter’, so we were expecting everyone to be constantly trading quick-fire zingers like an episode of Will & Grace.
“After spending two years analysing banter from around the UK we found very little of it rose above the level of ‘Alright Tony, you wanker’.
“Many people believed banter was simply talking to your mates, as with a group of lads from York who described their mundane conversations about work and exercise as ‘classic bantz’.
“Others thought banter was charmlessly insulting people, which is confusing because you don’t know if someone’s being friendly or wants to fight you.”
Office worker Martin Bishop said: “We have some top banter here. I always wind Steve up about being late for work, even if he’s not, and he comes right back at me with something hilarious like ‘You irritating prick, Martin’.
“Or I’ll keep saying random catchphrases like ‘Simples!’ or ‘Mmm, pork chops’. Classic.”