MX-5 drivers convinced they look cool

OWNERS of Mazda’s popular affordable roadster are certain they attract admiring glances, it has been claimed.

As the weather improves, the reasonably-priced sports car containing balding men and their wives is once again ubiquitous on UK roads. And according to research 94 percent of Mx-5 drivers would describe themselves as ‘cool’.

Expert Julian Cook said: “You wouldn’t see George Clooney driving one, unless he’d just had an incredibly expensive divorce.

“However I imagine the man who played the put-upon husband in 90s BBC sitcom Keeping Up Appearances might be a fan.”

He added: “The Mx-5 says of the driver, ‘I am a maverick who plays by his own rules’ and also, ‘I am sensible enough to appreciate a vehicle with low running costs and reasonably-priced insurance’.”

46-year-old Mx-5 owner Tom Logan said: “It hasn’t exactly cured my mild erectile dysfunction but it has compensated for it.

“Driving it makes me feel like a 60s secret agent, albeit a relatively junior one on a modest pay grade.”

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Jamie Oliver's Bond book launched

THE latest literary outing for spy James Bond has hit the shelves, written by best-selling author and celebrity chef Jamie Oliver.

Jamie’s Quantum of Sausage sees Bond facing the twin challenges of avenging the death of his old mentor at the hands of a Russian billionaire, whilst simultaneously organising an informal garden party for between 10-30 guests.

But Bond’s menu plans hit an unexpected obstacle when it emerges the six of the group are vegetarians, one of whom has a gluten allergy.

Publisher Nathan Muir said: “People say our industry is in a moribund state where the only books to get published are those featuring an established character, or those written by a celebrity, preferably one who is also a chef.

“This book proves them absolutely right, however I have earned double your month’s salary while saying this sentence.”

The story opens with the spy in Serbia on the trail of a rogue agent. Stopping at a nearby primary school, Bond is shocked at the poor quality and limited nutritional value afforded by traditional school meals, and takes six weeks off from his mission to educate parents and children in tasty yet nutritious lunchtime snacks.

He then kills a man with a spatula, recites 120 pages of recipes for no reason, and says ‘pukka’ before leaving on a battered moped.

Jamie’s Quantum of Sausage also features a guest appearance by Nigella Lawson as a beautiful-but-deadly oligarch’s wife with the unfortunate habit of spilling warm, liquid ingredients down her cleavage.