A NEW delivery service from Waitrose will bring your groceries into your house and pity you for your shallow, petit bourgeois aspirations.
Delivery drivers will let themselves in by finding the spare key in the painfully obvious location behind the hanging basket, and will cover your house with disdainful Post-Its mocking what a pathetic social climber you are.
Susan Traherne from Uttoxeter, said: “There was a charmingly snide note on my fridge-freezer saying ‘Did you need one this big, or do you think you’re American?’.
“They knew exactly which Le Creuset I’d got from TK Maxx, which dresses I was too old or fat for, and a lovely watercolour in the hall was marked ‘I remember this from the cover of the People’s Friend’.
“When I nipped in the downstairs loo and saw the note saying ‘Liquid soap! How marvellous, like in a public convenience’ I actually broke down weeping in shame.
“It’s just like when I had my posh friend over and she winced at the gas fire. I’ll definitely be using the service again.”
A Waitrose spokesman said: “And of course she’ll order truffle oil next time to try and impress us.”