THE free internet connection in airports, shopping centres and cafes is worth a negative amount of money, experts have confirmed.
Until now, networks that allow consumers to browse without limiting their data had confounded scientists and economists trying to place a value on their utility.
However, the Institute for Studies confirmed that every single one of them is a piece of utter fucking shit that eats your very soul.
Speaking from a coffee shop, Professor Henry Brubaker said: “To call the wifi in here worthless would be mathematically incorrect.
“The fucker that came up with this bollocks should be paying me to log on.”
The value below zero differs across the spectrum of ‘free’ wifi providers, with airports at the very bottom and forward-thinking town centres somehow beneath that.