No one enjoying being in pub more than local dog  

ABSOLUTELY no one is enjoying being in the pub today more than a local dog, it has emerged.

Larry, a six-year old terrier from Didcot, said: “This place is the nuts.

“I never have to pay for a drink, everyone wants to stroke me and I get to sit by the log fire until my owner is drunk enough for me to walk him home.”

Landlady, Mary Fisher, added: “It’s not really a good night in the pub if Larry isn’t there. It’s a shame he can’t pull pints because I’d hire him in a minute.”

Larry’s owner Bill McKay said: “This is why I’m a dog person. You can’t take a cat to the pub, can you?

“Well, you probably can in Shoreditch, but you can’t round here.”

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Sitting in someone else’s train seat is UK’s most rebellious act

PEOPLE who sit in a ticketed seat on a busy train are rebellious heroes like Han Solo, it has been confirmed.

Martin Bishop boarded a 6pm train from Paddington to Oxford without a seat reservation and boldly sat down in the first chair he came to, prompting the deep admiration and envy of his fellow passengers.

Commuter Stephen Malley said: “He just strode in and sat down like Han Solo walking into the cockpit of the Millennium Falcon. He didn’t even bother to check the ticket to see if someone might be boarding later.

“It was the most impressively rebellious act I’ve ever seen. He sat there as cool as a cucumber whilst the rest of us were too shit scared to do the same and instead were crammed into the aisle like sheep.

“After a while this woman turned up and did that weird, passive aggressive thing where they say, ‘I’m terribly sorry, but I think that’s my seat’, whilst looking at you like they want to rip your throat out with their teeth.

“He just said, ‘Oh, sorry’ and stood up. Okay, it’s not quite Han shooting Greedo in the cantina, but it’s still very cool.”

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