BRITONS are having to visit neighbours because they have their Amazon stuff.
Across the UK, thousands are having to go next door to collect Christmas packages their neighbours grudgingly accepted from delivery drivers.
Mother-of-two Emma Bradford said: “Since moving in two years ago I studiously avoided all neighbourly contact. Because all neighbours are from hell.
“Then yesterday I saw the rectangular card saying they had signed for my husband’s footballer biography.
“I knocked on the door and after five minutes’ of TB-style coughing a humanoid form was visible through the glass.
“The door opened a crack and a clawed hand emerged holding a small cardboard box with my name on it.
“The house smelled strongly of peanuts and I think I saw a goat moving around in there.”
Roy Hobbs from Swindon said: “After my neighbours signed for my DHL parcel I feel a terrible sense of debt to them.
“I’m going to have to give them a fucking Christmas card now.”