Sunday, 25th October 2020

Parents briefing kids on what to say they've been taught at home

HOMESCHOOLED children are memorising a list of educational activities to  claim they completed when their teachers ask. 

Children are being rigorously schooled in lying about the breadth and depth of their learning, how little screen time they had and how mummy never drinks wine before noon.

Mum Carolyn Ryan said: “You’ve nailed the Key Stage 2 curriculum, you’ve learned to play oboe, and you’re semi-fluent in Portuguese. Okay? Read that back to me.

“I’ve spent eight weeks WhatsApping about what a breeze homeschooling’s been, and now it’s come to the crunch. The last thing I need is my daughter flapping her trap and blowing my cover.

“This morning we’re drilling in the incredible science experiments she did, and in the afternoon we’re learning by heart all her creative tasks. Then she’s got a solid hour of repeating ‘No Miss, I wasn’t on TikTok’ just to get it down.

“Under no circumstances should she mention that I’m never out of bed before This Morning. The teachers might call it a gagging order, I call it looking out for her future.”

Ten-year-old daughter Ellie said: “Mum wants me to lie about my achievements to make her look good? I didn’t expect things to go back to normal this fast.”