Parents watch three-hour dance show for 98 seconds of their child

A GROUP of parents has each watched a three-hour long dance show in order to witness 98 seconds of their child performing. 

The parents, who have paid £9.50 each for tickets in addition to the £5 per lesson for 12 weeks of rehearsals, all sat and waited dutifully through hours of indifferent dancing before their child’s brief appearance.

Father Nathan Muir said: “The Oscars is shorter. Or it seems it.

“How many children are there at this dance academy? And how are they all so fucking terrible at dancing, apart from that one girl who, I found out on her fifth solo dance, is the lead instructor’s teenage daughter?

“I’ve seen ballet, street dance, tap, hip hop done by white seven-year-olds who hopefully had no idea what those lyrics were about, jazz, breakdance and cheerleading.

“I barely even recognised our Kayla when she came on, caked in make-up, dancing to something from The Greatest fucking Showman. But I whipped my phone out just in time to record the whole thing, never to watch it again.

“I worked out later it cost me 80p for every second she was on stage. Lapdancers are cheaper.”

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Facebook nutter includes workplace in his profile

A FACEBOOK lunatic is happy for everyone to know where he works, it has emerged.

Wayne Hayes, who does not bother with privacy setting on his social media account, regularly posts his opinions on immigration, crop circles, fluoride, his ex-wife and his job.

Visitors to Hayes’ profile immediately learn that he is Customer Care Manager for the Tiverton branch of a mid-sized consumer electronics store, before being offered a litany of insane beliefs and sackable offences.

Hayes said: “I tell it like it is, whether it’s how Muslim scientists made crop circles to distract us from their nefarious schemes, or how I hate my job and think my line-manager is a filthy pervert.

“And if I’ve sold you a piece of shit hi-fi cable you’d better believe I’m going to be telling my Facebook friends and tagging you in the post.

“What are you going to do about it, get me fired?”