People with ginger hair urged to stop saying it's strawberry blonde

A RELUCTANCE to embrace gingerness is fuelling anti-ginger prejudice, it has been claimed.

In a bid to reclaim the moral high ground, pro-ginger campaigners have urged everyone to drop the ‘dark blonde’ thing.

Ginger person Emma Bradford said: “Every workplace has at least one ginger denier, who reckons they are strawberry blonde.

“What does that even mean? Strawberries are pretty much crimson, certainly they are not the colour of Robert Redford’s hair.

“Just embrace the ginger. Sun tans are for reality TV idiots and the carrot is the one vegetable that pretty much everyone likes.

“Also it’s high time we reclaimed the term ‘ginger nut’ and used it as a positive. It’s a classic biscuit with the perfect amount of rigidity for dunking.

“There are lots of great ginger role models. Mick Hucknall, Lindsay Lohan, Ed Sheeran.

“Ok I admit those are patchy. But how about that bloke from Homeland? He’s cool plus he got to pork Claire Danes.”

24-year-old Stephen Malley admitted having described himself as ‘dark blonde’: “Eventually I had to tell myself that when a colour gets darker it does not also get more orange.”

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Cities unsuitable for humans

CITIES work brilliantly apart from being unsuitable for humans, it has been claimed.

As it emerged that society’s urban zones are full of poisonous fumes that make people die, city planners admitted they never really factor the ongoing presence of homo sapiens into their vision.

Planner Emma Bradford said: “The basic city template is to build something that looks really, really cool with loads of flashing lights, tall things and some shiny helicopters flying around.

“It doesn’t really stop to consider all the humans who have to stick around in order for the cool stuff to work.

“These humans have needs like oxygen, daylight and to not live stacked on top of other humans, which are not really compatible with the whole city thing.

“Apparently the first city was built by an ancient Greek as a sort of proto-cubist sculpture. He was gobsmacked when people started living in it.”

London dweller Nikki Hollis said: “I love all the restaurants and nightclubs, but I’m less keen on how the place seems to be trying to gas me, like some malevolent concrete being that wants me dead.

“My plan is to make enough money that I can spent my final years of coughing somewhere nice in the country.”