HACKING a mobile phone is not the same as opposing gay marriage, it has emerged.
As former newspaper the Daily Mirror was accused of intercepting celebrity phone messages, experts admitted the practice could be non-ideological.
Professor Henry Brubaker said: “Every single one of our calculations pointed to phone hacking being the same as creationism or kicking a poor person in the mouth.
“We didn’t like the people who did it and so it was obvious they did it because of all the other reasons we didn’t like them.
“Science had agreed that phone hacking was the inevitable consequence of privatising British Rail and crushing the NUM.”
He added: “However, it may actually have been caused by lazy journalists desperate to get stories so they wouldn’t get shouted at by their screwed-up fucknugget of a boss.
“Therefore we may have to conclude that lazy journalists can be both right and left wing.
“And this is remarkable because surely it is only either left wing or right wing people who are lazy and dishonest.
“It can’t possibly be both.”
Professor Brubaker said the Mirror revelations could have a profound effect on the phone hacking issue if it finally stopped people from talking shit about it all the time.