Plonker, git, tosspot and numpty not obscene enough, says Britain

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Incel wondering if being even more self-pitying will get him laid

AN ‘involuntary celibate’ is wondering if women would find him attractive if he was even more of a morose loser.

Having had precisely zero success with females by projecting his sexual frustration onto the world, Oliver O’Connor now feels the logical solution is to double down on his deeply unappealing, misogynistic behaviour.

He said: “I’m probably not blaming women enough for not shagging me. Posting hundreds of weird, embittered comments on 4chan rather than complimenting someone I fancy definitely seems like the best way to get a girlfriend. 

“Women all say they’re attracted to confidence, but this is just one of the many mind games those two-faced harpies play on poor, innocent men like me. Being a perpetual victim is clearly what gets them damp downstairs, and that plays right into my clammy hands.

“Rather than working out, making a mental note of normal things to talk about or brushing my teeth, I need to let women know they’re at fault for not wanting to give me blowjobs on demand. 

“The most effective way to get the message across is clearly barking Andrew Tate quotes during 2am gaming sessions and skulking around the darker recesses of Reddit. Women want a man they can fix, and there’s loads to get stuck into with me.

“If all that fails I’ll grow an even crappier neckbeard. No lady could possibly resist such a pathetic attempt at male grooming. Especially now it’s synonymous with sexual failure.”

Woman Nikki Hollis said: “Sorry, we only find the self-loathing schtick hot if you’re a rock star like Trent Reznor. The musical talent and millions of pounds do a lot of damage control.”