THE world is mourning Pope Francis, but how does he stand up against your own top ten pontiffs? We check the rankings:
TEN
Leo I, 440-461
Also known as Leo the Great, he famously persuaded Attila the Hun to turn back from invading Italy with the words ‘Leave it Attila, it’s not worth it. I’ll get the beers in.’
NINE
Symmachus, 498-514
The Pope who triumphed over Antipope Laurentius in an epic battle that devastated Rome, with both contenders wearing immense white marble mecha-suits to punch it out. The remains of these are the Pantheon and Colosseum.
EIGHT
Urban V, 1088-1099
The first black Pope and founder of the MOBO awards, Urban brought a relaxed vibe to the Vatican and instigated chill-out Sundays. Successors made any work on the Sabbath a sin, which was never his intention.
SEVEN
Stephen II, 752-757
The first working-class Pope, Stephen smoked heavily, spent much of his papacy working on ox-carts and established the Catholic Church as a lads-only endeavour. Liked a pint.
SIX
Sylvester I, 314-335
The disco Pope, Sylvester baptised Emperor Constantine and made Rome the home of the Catholic church to the disappointment of many who had favoured Reading.
FIVE
John Paul II, 1978-2005
Quickly brought in to succeed John Paul I after he performed badly at test masses, JPII was the post-punk Pope par excellence and brought down communism by vaguely saying it was bad. Kissed runways, passionately.
FOUR
Francis, 2013-2025
The first Pope from the Southern hemisphere, the first born and raised outside Europe and the first Francis, his achievements were many and we all know them by heart. So no need to list them.
THREE
Leo X, 1513-1531
The party Pope and founder of the modern Mafia, Leo wasn’t much of a Catholic because he thought it was largely nonsense. Steered the church towards the huge profits and ostentatious wealth it still enjoys today. Gay but not out.
TWO
Julius II, the Warrior Pope, 1503-1513
Well up for it, Julius strapped on custom-made papal armour with a flaming halo and rode to battle against his enemies. The impression of his ring was left on many an opponent’s chin. Made South America Catholic. Had drunken fistfights with Michelangelo.
ONE
St Peter, 30-64
The original and best. Close personal friend of Christ and one of the Twelve Apostles so able to settle any ecumenical discussion with ‘Yeah, pretty sure Jesus told me the opposite mate.’ Got crucified himself just to settle the matter.
