Racists upset by nasty tolerant people

EVERYONE is being really nasty to racists at the moment and should be more bigoted, racists believe.

Racists have been shocked and upset by the prejudice they face merely for hating ethnic minorities, spouting aggressive nationalist bile and wanting mass deportations.  

English Defence League member Wayne Hayes said: “After Brexit, the Windrush scandal and the ‘hostile environment’ I thought society was finally accepting me for the incredibly horrible twat I am.

“So imagine my shock when someone on the internet called me ‘racist scum’, and worse. All I’d said was that Muslims are ‘a fucking disease on England’. Why do people have to be so mean?

“So-called liberals are a bunch of hypocrites. If they really believe in a plurality of opinions they should be calling people ‘Pakis’ from time to time. And thinking it’s hilarious, like I do.”

Retired shopkeeper Mary Fisher said: “I was harmlessly pointing out how ‘blacks’ do all the crime when my granddaughter launched into the hate-filled tirade ‘Oh, don’t be ridiculous, Nana’.

“Abusing racists based on nothing more than the noxious views they keep shoving in your face is a form of racism too. I actually believe that.”

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'Cocaine's great' says man with no concept of future beyond next three minutes

A MAN who has just snorted a line of cocaine has confirmed that the drug is ‘fucking brilliant’ and that tomorrow can look after itself.

Wayne Hayes consumed the drug in a pub toilet, which did not affect his view of how glamorous it is even slightly, and proceeded to tell everyone how much he liked it.

He continued: “Coke’s great, you know? It’s really great. Like really great.

“Probably that’s why it’s so expensive, I mean, like what? Didn’t it used to be fifty quid? Not eighty? Pretty sure I can afford it. I’ll check my balance in the AM.

“Anyway what was I talking about. Coke, right. There’s the ethical shit going on with it like these stabbings or whatever but it’s just worth it, yeah? In the moment.

“Scuse me. Just nipping to the loo. If you know what I mean.”

Barmaid Francesca Johnson said: “I’m getting that he likes coke. Anyone else?”