Road Tax Spent On Moats

MOTORING taxes may have been used to fund non-transport related expenditure such as great big moats, according to a new report.

Junction 12, near Toddington

A cross-party committee of MPs said that in recent years vehicle excise duty and congestion charges may some how have found their way into the big pot that is normally used for making their houses nicer.

Chairman Lousie Ellman said: "We could not actually find any evidence of motoring taxes being used to make the country's transport system any better. In fact it does now seem we may have spent it all on moats and tellies."

In recent years the government has increased car-related taxation with the promise that it would be ring-fenced and used to build a floating, hypersonic train that would stop outside your bedroom door.

But concerns were raised after some people noticed the existing rail system was now worse than that of 19th Century Burma, while much of the M1 looks like those photos of the road to Basra at the end of 1991 Gulf War.

The department of transport insisted it had used some of the moat money for transport projects, including an electric hovercraft from Windermere to Ambleside and more than three million miles of breathtakingly pointless cycle lanes.

A spokesman said: "We even put a cycle lane around Douglas Hogg's moat so that his moat cleaner could cycle around the moat, skimming leaves off the surface without having to emit gas."

Bill McKay, a Volvo driver from Stevenage, said: "So road taxes are not used to make the roads better? I'm so glad you told me because that would never have occured to me in a billion fucking years."