Satan Makes Room For Parents Who Complained About Disabled TV Presenter
PARENTS who complained about a one-armed childrens' TV presenter will have their own very special corner of Hell, Satan confirmed last night.
Lucifer's minions are sweeping out a disused basement room that will be kitted out to look like the Teletubbies house and then filled ankle deep with a corrosive mixture of children's vomit, gerbil excrement and out of date Sunny Delight.
On arrival all parents who objected to Cerrie Burnell's appointment will be driven into the room by fiery horned demons who will beat them continuously with prosthetic limbs studded with the shards from a broken Thomas the Tank Engine mug.
A spokesman for Beelzebub said: "They will then be slowly evicerated by some fairly large scorpions while being forced to watch the Josie Jump song from Balamory on a never-ending loop."
He added: "These people seem to think a one-armed young lady appearing momentarily inside a flickering box in their living room is the very stuff of nightmares. Let's just say we're reasonably confident we can prove them wrong."
Bill McKay, a parent from Northampton, said: "I turned on the Bedtime Hour expecting to see it hosted by some incredibly hot babe with a dodgy past in home-made pornography.
"Instead I got something that made my children cry and failed to give me an erection.
"I suppose this was a perfect opportunity to talk to my children about disability but I felt it would be more useful to email the BBC and try to put an end to this young woman's career."
He added: "Oh shit, I'm going to hell aren't I?"