Saturday, 5th December 2020

Second lockdown impossible to discern with naked eye

SCIENTISTS have confirmed that it is almost impossible to discern any difference between England before and after lockdown without specialist equipment. 

The lockdown, which has supposedly entered its second week, has seen thousands of people continue to behave exactly as before but with the pubs shut.

Professor Helen Archer said: “Remember the last lockdown when the streets were empty of cars and people, and even when you went for your allotted daily exercise nobody was about? Yeah, not this time.

“Instead everyone’s doing their normal stuff like going to work and school, there’s loads of traffic, shops are packed and nobody seems to have allowed the lockdown to affect their behaviour even slightly.

“You have to closely examine the country using spectroscopes and infra-red cameras to realise that pubs are only serving take-outs and some high street shops have shut.

“We can’t be sure that a lockdown only observable by this level of painstaking analysis will be respected by the coronavirus. But we’re confident it will play fair.”