Tuesday, 11th May 2021

Public school dickhead calls everyone by their surname

A DICKHEAD who went to public school refers to everyone by their surname no matter how much they wish he would stop. 

Tom Logan, who refers to himself exclusively as ‘Logan’, refuses to use anyone’s given name even when told to, repeatedly, by everyone he meets.

He said: “Oi, Hargreaves! Fletcher’s talking a load of cock about this night out in January not happening? Set him bloody straight.

“Yeah, Smithson, Ramsey and me are organising it, soon as the lockdown’s over, and we’ve already invited Galley, Woodhouse and Radcliffe. It’s going to be legendary.”

Friend Hannah Tomlinson said: “Or John, Colin and Angela, as their friends call them. And as everyone else calls them. Apart from Tom.

“I get that they do it at public school, even shit minor ones like he was at. But he hasn’t been at school for 18 years and everyone out here hates it.”

Logan said: “That Tomlinson moaning again? She’s f**king hilarious. Her first name? Don’t make me say it. It makes me feel weak.”