Secret of successful relationship is getting pissed together

COUPLES who share regular marathon drinking sessions are more likely to stay together, it has been claimed.

According to research, couples are more likely to split if there is a disparity in the amount they drink.

Stephen Malley said: “I’ve been with my partner for 15 years, and she’s great because she can really put away a ton of sauce. It’s what I look for in a lady.

“I love boozing but my previous partner was all like, ‘you’ve been sick on yourself again’, or ‘you shouldn’t be asleep in that bush’, yadda yadda yadda. She was no fun.”

Malley’s long-term girlfriend Nikki Hollis said: “Yesterday we went out at midday and woke up at 4am this morning lying on a roundabout with only one shoe between us. The magic’s still there.

“They say the best memories are the ones you can’t remember.”

Drink-based relationship counsellor Emma Bradford said: “You should both clear your diaries one evening per week, get a babysitter and make it ‘session night’. Match each other drink-for-drink and then try to a steal a fruit machine.

“A loving couple should prop each other up emotional and physically, particularly if one of them has fallen over in the road and their legs aren’t working properly.”