Panic as giant asteroid may affect telly

SOCIETY has collapsed into mass panic after it was claimed that a huge asteroid could affect telly.

The aircraft carrier-sized asteroid will not hit Earth but will pass between it and satellites.

Dr Roy Hobbs said: “In theory at least, this could affect telly as some telly comes from satellites.

“The main thing is not to freak out, just go on the internet instead.”

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Archbishop of Canterbury opens LinkedIn account

ARCHBISHOP of Canterbury Justin Welby will tend the spiritual needs of the Anglican community via LinkedIn, it has emerged.

Welby’s advisors deemed the business networking site to be ‘more professional’ than Twitter.

The archbishop has already made connections with former colleagues in the oil industry and also from earlier part time positions he held at WH Smiths and La Senza.

Welby’s former line manager Tom Booker said: “I was amazed to get a message from Justin. Just like Jesus rising after the crucifixion, it appears my LinkedIn account has survived attempts to delete it.”