Self-employed woman goes to weird pretend office with total strangers

A WOMAN who could work at home rents a desk in a building full of strangers instead, it has emerged.

Marketing consultant Emma Bradford goes to a trendy office space called ‘the Hub’ where she pays the building’s owners to let her do boring work, instead of the other way round.

Friend Nikki Hollis said: “I thought part of the appeal of being self-employed was avoiding all the grief of working in an office, so basically Emma’s paying to rejoin the rat race.

“I realise there are fewer distractions than at home, but maybe you aren’t cut out to run your own business if you can’t manage not to eat Kit Kats in front of the telly all day.”

Bradford said: “Going to the office really motivates me, except when I’m knackered from the unnecessary commute and have to go to sleep at my desk for a bit.

“It also gives a structure to the day, just like when I worked for a big company and hated it.

“I could use the daily £25 fee to help pay my mortgage, but then I’d miss out on a man who might be called Gary complaining about the lack of toilet paper.”

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Sainsbury's-Asda merger 'could show middle-class shoppers the futility of their pathetic aspirations'

A PROPOSED merger between Sainsbury’s and Asda will finally make middle-class Britain realise its imagined superiority is nothing but a lie. 

The £10bn deal would mean that shoppers who habitually pay 50p extra for the same coffee as ‘Asda people’ would have to face up to being basically no different to the men who do their car MOTs. 

Sainsbury’s shopper Mary Fisher said: “The barbarians are at the gates of Rome. Our golden dream of civilisation is over. 

“After this merger, my trolley of purple basil and orecchiette pasta will be cheek-by-jowl with an Asda trolley packed with Monster Munch and Mr Tumble Pasta Shapes and I’ll stare into that abyss and, God help me, so many products will be the same ones I buy. 

“At that moment I’ll finally understand that my whole middle-class world is a lie, that I am just the same as those I despise, and that the British class system was only created to manipulate us into acting against our own interests. 

“Then I’ll go back to the start of the store, buy a 60-inch telly, a crate of Stella and a jumbo bag of turkey dinosaurs for the kids, and begin really living.”