Are you a liar or just incompetent? Take our test to find out

IN OUR busy modern world, it can be hard to tell if you’re a liar or just flat-out incompetent. Answer these simple questions to find out.

1. You are caught up in a huge scandal which directly impacts on the lives of thousands of people and you get asked directly if you knew details about that scandal. What do you do?

A. Make up some bullshit.

B. Hope that due to the fact most people think you’re incompetent anyway that you can scrape through it by pretending to be even more useless. Resolve to look at your emails in future, even if they’re boring.

2. Either way, everyone now knows you’ve massively fucked up. How long do you take to resign?

A. Only after they’ve deactivated my work email and put all my stuff in one of those blue Ikea bags.

B. Can I keep my job if people just think I’m incompetent? Oh…

3. What’s your next move?

A. Can I try lying a bit more?

B. I’m a little too over-qualified to be the Home Secretary any way. I’ll probably start a PR firm or something called ‘Posh Smoothies’ that claims to be ‘the aristocrat of the pulped fruit world’.

If you answered mostly A’s then you’re inherently dishonest. You’ll definitely bounce back within a week, you flint-hearted bastard.

But if you answered mostly B’s then you’re just flat-out incompetent. You should send your CV to TalkTalk or a train company. Either way, if you could ask your former boss to come in and take the test next that would just be great.

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Man reckons he is a good dancer

A MAN has decided he dances with both flair and skill.

Tom Booker, from Stevenage, has been convinced of his dance floor skills since his teenage years despite hundreds of people telling him to either get better at it or just stop.

Booker said: “Haters are going to hate. It’s as simple as that.

“And even if those haters are my girlfriend, both my sisters, my dad, everyone I went to school and college with, all the people I’ve ever worked with and my best mate who I once gave some of my bone marrow to, it doesn’t matter.

“I am an incredible dancer.”

Booker’s friend, Emma Bradford, said: “He bobs his head like one of the Flowerpot Men, it’s creepy. Meanwhile, his legs jerk around as if there are 200 frogs trying to escape from his trousers.

“And he really shouldn’t be dancing with that level of enthusiasm to Everybody Hurts.”