WANT normal products but in spooky packaging? Supermarkets have got you covered with this Halloween-themed shit:
An extremely low-effort cash-grab which parts you from your money every Halloween. This innovative selection of sweets is the same old Haribo you buy during the rest of the year, only this time the sugary gelatin has been squeezed into a bat-shaped mould instead of a little bear. You will scoff the lot before trick-or-treaters visit then get egged.
‘Slime’ flavour doughnuts
Supermarkets like to give their products creepy nicknames on Halloween, although slime is an accurate description of their cheap doughnut fillings all year round. They taste like a marketing executive running out of ideas, and the only scary thing about them is the chest cramps you’ll get after wolfing down five in 20 minutes.
Once shops realised they didn’t have to decorate their Halloween cupcakes with skulls or cobwebs, they just started topping them with orange icing. You know that orange means Halloween as you push your trolley round the aisles on autopilot and that’s all that matters. You will eat them on the designated day and feel nothing.
You don’t usually eat crumpets because you’re not a character from a Beatrix Potter book. However these are shaped like ghosts and have scary faces burnt into them, so you’ll mindlessly toss them into your basket. When you go to eat them you’ll wonder who buys this trashy crap, before remembering you live alone and it was your own dumb decision.
Literally just a Twix with a pumpkin on the wrapper
The makers of Twix know they don’t even need to try. This is the regular caramel shortbread chocolate bar you’re familiar with, only with a pumpkin lazily printed on the wrapper to catch your eye. You like to think you’re above such a blatant example of commercialism, but you’re not. Plus you really like eating a Twix.