Sniffer dogs ‘being set up as migrant crisis scapegoats’

SNIFFER dogs drafted in to tackle the Channel Tunnel migrant chaos are worried they are being ‘stitched up’ by David Cameron.

The dogs believe the prime minister is using them in a ‘crude political game’ and have warned they will not be the ‘fall guys for the government’s incompetence’.

A three year-old labrador, who refused to be named, said: “I have a very bad feeling about this.

“History teaches us time and again that when the corrupt political class fails in its most basic duties the first thing they do is ‘blame the dogs’.

“We don’t just sniff out migrants, drugs and explosives. We can also sniff out the cheap lies of a third rate politician. What about that?”

A four year-old springer spaniel added: “I’ll do my job because I’m a professional, but don’t take me for an idiot.

“If Cameron turns round next week and says ‘the dogs failed us’ I swear to God I will blow the lid on this whole shit storm.”

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Theatre goers annoyed by man in audience watching 42-inch TV

WEST End theatre goers have complained after a man watched Apocalypse Now on a 42 inch plasma TV during a performance of Harold Pinter’s The Caretaker.

Audience members said Tom Booker, 33, started watching the Vietnam War epic shortly into the performance and continued despite some very pointed coughing.

Emma Bradford said: “The sound of Ride of Valkyries as the helicopters attack a Vietnamese village made it hard to concentrate on the Pinteresque pauses in the show. He just didn’t seem to care.”

Booker had watched more than an hour of the film before a member of the cast was forced to break character and confront him.

Norman Steele, who plays Davies, shouted at Booker: “Do you think Marlon Brando would have put up with this?”

It was not until the beginning of the second act, when Booker’s DVD began to skip, that he decided to turn it off and watch the rest of the show in silence.

He said after the show: “Yeah it was pretty good. It could have done with a helicopter in it, but I’m glad I stayed until the end.”