Student celebrates ‘A with a shitload of stars’ grade

A STUDENT is celebrating getting the first ‘A with a shitload of stars’ grade at A Level.

Roy Hobbs secured the new qualification after writing a timed essay about Hitler that just fucking nailed it.

He said: “I also got a an A*, an A*** and an A(********)****(*), whatever that means.

“My parents are proud and a little frightened.”

Examiners confirmed that the new ‘A with a shitload of stars’ grade is only awarded to students who have been perfect from childhood.

An exam board spokesman said: “It basically means you’ve never made a bad decision.

“We are constantly tinkering with this shit and trying to make it less logical.”

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Woman still waiting for response to email just saying ‘hi’ with a link to penis pills

A WOMAN is annoyed after sending all her friends a helpful link to erection pills and not getting any response.

28-year-old Susan Traherne found the site selling ‘Ox’ penis tablets while surfing the net, and was so impressed by the product she decided to email every person in her address book with a link and a simple greeting of ‘hi’ written in lower case letters.

She said: “Maybe I should have personalised it a bit more, but people are too busy to read more than one word of text.

“Not being able to get an erection is a serious matter, and with these pills apparently a man can stay ‘ready for action’ all night long. I just thought people would be interested.

“Especially my sister’s husband Steve, I know for a fact that he struggles to get it up.”

However Traherne has had no replies to her message, despite writing ‘LOOK!!!’ in mauve letters above the link to highlight how excited she was.

She said: “It’s weird, normally my best friend Rachel responds to emails within an hour, and I know she’s off work today.

“Maybe I’ll follow it up with a link for a free iPad offer.”