A STUDENT having a post-wank piece of toast has realised his existence could not be less like Jack Wills’ depiction of university life.
19-year-old English undergraduate Wayne Hayes lives in a depressing shared house where he masturbates and eats poor quality food, in sharp contrast to the clothing brand’s adverts showing tanned students in weird American-style beach scenes.
He said: “I’m not particularly good-looking, nor are my friends. Rather than exuding confidence and health, I regularly go for 48 hours without stepping outside.
“Surely I should be sitting in front of some surfboards with four or five impossibly toned friends called things like ‘Chad’ and ‘Amber’, and we’re all laughing just because we’re so amazing.
“Then we all drive up to some clifftop viewpoint and marvel at how meaningful the sunset is before going back to our immaculate dormitory for a pillow fight in our pants. Isn’t that how most students live?
“I might go the shop later for a packet of Monster Munch, that’s about as good as it’s going to get today.”