MOST people only use Facebook to show off photos of their new house keys and engagement rings. But these five losers still insist on writing ‘happy birthday’ on your wall.
The elderly relative
Having got to grips with ‘The Facebook’ later in life, your great aunt Brenda isn’t about to start WhatsApping you a happy birthday GIF. Instead, she’s going to remain on her preferred drip-feed of conspiracy theory bullshit and bombard her friends with endless inspirational quotes. Yes, she’s an oddball for using Facebook to wish you happy birthday, but when did you last send her a card?
The random nutter from school
No birthday would be complete without that weird kid from your form group writing a touching ‘Happy birthday mate’ on your wall. It’s as traditional as candles on a cake. After giving his post a mandatory like, you’ll check his profile and discover he’s flogging a suspicious amount of electrical goods on Facebook Marketplace, cash only. You will not communicate for another year.
That friend of a friend you met twice
Perhaps you played five-a-side with this person a couple of times. Or maybe you got trapped talking to them on a night out. Either way, they instantly added you on Facebook and have punctually wished you happy birthday for the last decade. Is this a cry for attention? Don’t they have real friends to talk to? Too late to ask now, just comment ‘ta’ and move on.
An old colleague you couldn’t stand
Well, well, well. The office manager you couldn’t stand who never organised an obligatory Colin the Caterpillar cake and awkward sing-song around your desk when you actually worked together is now writing happy birthday on your wall. You should do the mature thing and unfriend them, but you’re getting a twisted kick out of this. Karma’s a bitch.
Someone you met on holiday in 2006
Ah, Magaluf 2006, what a holiday. You pulled nobody, spent all your time getting sunburnt by the pool, and befriended some guy from Leicester who now writes “HB x” on your wall every year. You know practically nothing about him and your whole relationship is built on this exchange of meaningless well wishes. In other words it’s the typical male friendship.
