ARE you too affluent to be genuinely worried about energy costs, but want to join in the drama? Here middle class mum Charlotte Phelps explains how to pretend to worry.
Make a fuss about not putting the heating on
The news is full of people saying they won’t be putting the heating on this winter, so I’m going to do the same. Well, at least not until the end of September. And the underfloor heating in the bathrooms must stay on, of course. It’s a lifesaver.
Insist everyone wears extra layers
‘Heat the person, not the home!’ I’ll cry dramatically, before carting the whole family off to John Lewis to buy nice, thick cashmere sweaters. Ooh, maybe we’ll get matching ones. That would be a bit of a giggle on this year’s Christmas card.
Switch off lights
Will we be able to afford to keep the lights on this winter? Well, of course the ones in the house, we’ll leave those on willy-nilly. But I’ll do a sad Facebook post about how we’ve been forced to switch off the high-powered spotlight for the oak tree in the back garden. Though of course we’ll be getting out the illuminated life-size Santa Claus for the festive season.
Tape up the dishwasher
Heating water costs a fortune, and then it’s literally washed down the drain. All washing up this year will be done by hand, even after we’ve had 16 friends round for dinner and we’ve used new plates for all five courses. I must remember to tell our cleaner.
Shop somewhere cheaper
‘We can’t afford to buy all our food at the farmer’s market and the local organic heath food shop anymore,’ I’ll tell my friends weepily. ‘We’ve been forced to go back to Waitrose.’ They’ll think I’m terribly brave, and hopefully that bitch Francesca won’t go one better by deciding to slum it in Sainsbury’s.