The six teachers you f**king hated

EVERYONE still remembers that one teacher that, even 30 years later, they hate with a passion entirely undimmed. Which of these was yours? 

Mr Robinson

Who knows what Mr Robinson’s great sporting failure was? Let go by Liverpool after trials? Failed at athletics? But whatever it was, he vowed to take it out on every single kid in every single PE lesson. Whether rugby on frozen mud or screaming at a terrified seven-year-old to shin up a nine-foot rope, his bitterness never faded.

Miss Sharratt

She didn’t need any past trauma to despise you. Instead she taught maths, presumably had passed a maths A-level at some point, and could not f**king believe a class of bored 13-year-olds were so slow to grasp what was obvious to her. Occasionally her frustration would boil over into vindictive anger, but only twice per lesson.

Mr Johnson

The design and technology teacher knew you were only in his class to selfishly injure yourself while making an ashtray, and he’d get the blame. So he spent 40 per cent of every lesson issuing dire warnings via anecdotes so bloody and lurid you’re still afraid to look at a drill.

Mr Condon

Hadn’t originally been that bad a guy, but his name sounds like condom. He knew it, you knew it, he got his vicious, unforgettable retaliation about your acne in first.

Miss Blackburn

Drama lessons are meant to be a doss, but Miss Blackburn had issues to work through. She’d decided that 14-year-olds who didn’t want to be there would be the vessel to fulfil her frustrated theatrical ambitions, and mounted a production of Night of the Iguana. You still feel the guilt of its total failure being entirely blamed on you.

Mr Shirley

Just a complete and total bastard and sadist, who as a child was taught by a bastard sadist and realised this was the career for him. Really loved his job, especially mentally torturing the kids. Would be touched that you still hate him. It’s what he got into teaching for.

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Is your boss a twat or is it you?

ENDLESSLY bitching about your line manager? Ever stopped to wonder if they’re definitely the bastard or if it’s actually you? Find out: 

How do your colleagues feel about your boss?

A) They hate his guts, often adding extra reasons why he’s despicable to my post-work pub rants.
B) They’re all too afraid of him to be honest, pretending to laugh at his jokes and going silent during my post-work pub rants. But they hate his guts.

What’s your work schedule like?

A) A nightmare. Late at night, weekends, bank holidays, I’m expected to always be working.
B) A nightmare. Non-stop until 5pm, when I f**k off because there’s such a thing as a work-life balance, yeah? Nobody else has the courage but I think they admire me for it.

Does your boss take an interest in your well-being?

A) No, he’s never once asked me how I am, even after I had my appendix out.
B) No, he’s always asking me how I am even though I’m clearly hungover and don’t want to talk. Basically a sadist.

What’s the worst bollocking you’ve had from your boss? 

A) I was 20 minutes late for work because a crash closed the motorway. He screamed at me in front of everyone and told me I’d be docked a full day’s pay.
B) He took me aside and asking me if I could stop swearing in the office when my workmates were on the phone. I told him we have freedom of speech in this f**king country.

Have you considered going elsewhere?

A) Every day, but my boss says he’ll give me a shit reference.
B) Every day, and my boss says he’ll give me a great reference. But what’s the point? Every boss I’ve ever had has been a twat.

ANSWERS

Mostly As: Yeah, it sounds as if your boss is the twat in this situation. Sorry.

Mostly Bs: Ah, seems like you might be the twat here, to be honest. Oh well. Their problem not yours.