Tossers announce plan to ‘step back’ from social media over Christmas

PRETENTIOUS tossers are unnecessarily announcing that they want to ‘unplug’ and ‘take a few days out’ from social media over Christmas.

The dreary, delusional tosspots believe their coming off Facebook or not putting beach pictures on Instagram is an emotionally-charged societal gamechanger equivalent to Mandela’s walk to freedom.

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute of Studies explained: “These are the kind of people who take forty-five minutes to say goodbye to everyone before leaving a party, or who genuinely believe you’re interested in their holiday or the dream they had last night.

Social media enthusiast Nathan Muir said: “After a year of building my ‘personal brand’ on Instagram with some amazing food pictures that have been both touching and funny, it’s time to ‘reflect and re-focus’.

“It’s partly about wanting space to embrace the moment, and partly that there is no reception at my parents’ and Dad won’t let me on the wifi since I live-streamed a tour of their house at Easter.

“I hope my seventy-three followers aren’t too disappointed.”