Tossers ‘curating’ everything

AN arts twat claims to have curated a cup of tea by adding milk and sugar.

35-year-old visual artist Stephen Malley said: “The tea-making process is an ongoing dialogue between water, milk and tea that requires careful curation.

“I took being thirsty as my starting point, then I began to construct a response based around a mug.

“Overall I curated the hell out of this hot drink. Can I have some grant money or a telly interview please?”

Fellow paint-splattered dickhead Mary Fisher said: “I’ve just finished curating a grass roots cultural event. It’s my kid’s fifth birthday party and I booked a clown for it.”

Linguist Norman Steele said: “Everyone is a curator now, whether through choosing some blindingly obvious bands for a festival, putting lettuce in a sandwich or simply deciding to breathe.

“This kind of term is particularly useful if you have no talent apart from a chameleonic ability to talk like the twats who hand out government cash.

“Or if, God help you, you think Alan Yentob is cool.”