Trip to 'meet' new baby actually more just looking at it for a bit

A TRIP to ‘meet’ a friend’s baby actually involved just staring at it, it has emerged.

Emma Bradford was invited to meet friend Nikki Hollis’s new baby Toby, only to find that the week-old infant was unable to talk or even sit upright.

Bradford said: “Naturally I was excited to meet this new person and hear all his opinions about politics, art and floating around in amniotic fluid ingesting nutrients through a cord.

“I was slightly disappointed to discover he has no means of expressing himself apart from the occasionally regurgitation of milky fluid. He didn’t even make eye contact and was actually asleep most of the time.

“I know he’s a baby but to be honest he could have made a bit more effort. I travelled 14 miles and I had to pay for parking.”

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Whinging home counties retired couple

Brexit is an excellent hobby for comfortably-off retirees who, for some reason, are constantly fucking moaning. You are the sort of twats whose idea of a great evening would be having Nigel himself over to rant about political correctness and potholes.

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People think you are being ironic with your constant references to the Nazis and cowardly French. But you actually believe Angela Merkel has conquered Europe without the loss of a single panzer.

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You will definitely be voting for Farage and the Brexit Party because the last series of Doctor Who was not very good. You do not draw your curtains in the day and eat crisps for breakfast.

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In your blissful credulity bubble, Nigel Farage is a decent, ordinary guy with some great ideas. You’re also sending your fourth payment of £2,000 to a Nigerian scammer or encouraging your friends to get into Scientology.