TV show basis for conversation, girlfriend believes

A GIRLFRIEND is confident that TV programmes only provide the basis for a long ongoing conversation while they continue in the background. 

Sophie Rodriguez thinks carefully-written scripts and beautifully-shot action only exist to remind her of something else entirely, which she can then proceed to talk about at length to her frustrated partner.

She said: “We’re only five minutes into this Netflix series my boyfriend has been dying to watch for months, and already I’m pointing out how the lead character’s internal struggle is just like all the drama at work about the new office chairs.

“I could wait until the episode is over to mention it, but what if I forget? Instead I’ll fill him in on the long, meandering details right now, while it’s fresh in my mind from seeing that office chair in the background. Otherwise he might not be able to concentrate on what I’m saying.

“I’m sure he’d much rather hear about my petty squabbles than focus on this show with snappy dialogue, car chases, and Lea Seydoux nude scenes. After all my story really happened, whereas this show everyone’s raving about is make-believe.

“He can rewind once I’m done if he wants, but it’ll only be five minutes until there’s another scene which reminds me of a pressing anecdote I need to recount. It’s the best part of the whole programme.”

Boyfriend Tom Logan said: “I’ll wait until Love Island is back on then start telling her about a fit bird I used to go out with. See how she likes it.”

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Married couple trying for threesome

A MARRIED couple have announced they are ready to take the next step to a threesome.

Julian and Charlotte Cook have informed friends and family that, two years after marriage, they feel ready to invite a third party into their bedroom for a night of no-holds-barred erotic play and interested parties should put themselves forward.

Julian said: “It’s a big decision for us but we’ve talked it through and we’re convinced we’re ready. Now we’re just waiting for the right unicorn.

“We’re secure in ourselves as a couple and have so much love to give that it feels selfish to keep it to ourselves when it can be shared with another, aged 25 to 35, female, please provide nudes in advance.

“Yes, we’ve heard all the horror stories – sleepless nights with your wife jaw-deep in a stranger’s fanny, going to work bone-tired from satisfying two women simultaneously, jealousy – but the glow of contentment will make it all worthwhile.”

Charlotte agreed: “We knew we wanted this ever since our very first date. We know it’ll be life-changing but ultimately so, so rewarding to open ourselves to new horizons of love. Who’s interested?”

Friend Lucy Parry said: “I don’t think I’ll be seeing much of Jules and Charlie anymore. This is worse than if they’d had children.”