By Jordan Gardner, aged 13 and smashing the system by drawing a Turnstile logo on his bag
THOSE French students rioting in the streets? That’s limbs, man. And we’re going to do the same because they’re right, school is boring and shit.
Our grievances are many. Making young developing minds work until 3.30pm is cruel and inhumane. Maths is pointless because in real life there’s a calculator on your phone. The dehumanising ‘no trainers’ rule is designed to strip us of our identities.
Me? I am furious about the way Mr Wilson has banned us from studying human beatboxing in Music. He says he wants us to have good careers but won’t let us film TikToks?
Our student uprising begins in fifth period when, as agreed, we will smash up the classroom and break all the windows. Now is the time to act, because we’re at breaking point after five weeks of the new term and also we’ll get out of doing quadratic equations.
Then we will march on the most hated part of the school, the Humanities block where they force you to do double Geography. We’ll watch this symbol of oppression burn, sending out a powerful message to the authorities: you will never make innocent children study igneous rocks again.
If the police try to stop us like in France, we’ll fight them with a barrage of stones and whatever weapons are at hand. Though I might leave that bit to the rough kids because I’m shit at PE.
Yeah, today will go down in history as the day British pupils refused to take any more shit. I might make a list of reforms for the government to implement, like mandatory ChatGPT sio we don’t have to read the book or take notes.
Oh. Wait. Kaylee Jones has just looked up what the French riots are actually about. They want more teachers so lessons aren’t cancelled and smaller classes so pupils don’t get ignored. Serious? Because cool riots, but f**k that.
