We want their parking spaces too, say middle classes

BRITAIN’S middle classes have said that getting disabled people’s money is nice but they would also like their parking spaces if possible.

The £1.2 billion cut in disability benefits, spent on a tax cut for middle-class households, has the better-off hoping it is just the start.

Helen Archer of Reading said: “You should see how far I’m parked from Waitrose some days, while their spaces are all empty.

“And now they’ve got even less money — thank you for that by the way, we’re thinking a summerhouse — there’s even less point in them having pride of place.

“They could paint a symbol of perhaps a woman with a purse and money on it, to show those spots are reserved for people of means.”

She added: “Also my son Seth would like to play wheelchair basketball but he hasn’t got a wheelchair. And a lot of them don’t really need them.”

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Son laughs as father plays him Stone Roses album

A 45-YEAR-OLD man was laughed at when he tried to explain The Stone Roses to his son.

Following rumours of a new album from the band, Stephen Malley excitedly played The Stone Roses’s debut record to his 13-year-old son Jason, who found it to be hilariously poor.

When his father explained that no, the clumsy turntable device was not malfunctioning, Jason emitted a sustained belly laugh, only stopping when Malley insisted he would have to play She Bangs The Drums again so he could hear it properly.

Malley said: “I told him Ian Brown was a god to us and that we flocked in our thousands to Spike Island. He looked at me like I was a member of some fourth century sub-pagan sect who gathered in a field to worship a gourd.

“He said something about their pitiful narcissistic tendencies which I must admit made me rethink a bit my theory about how superior my generation is to his.

“I told him this was one of the great dance/rock crossover albums. He then challenged me to dance to I Am the Resurrection and I did a sort of shuffling jig.

“Then I took off the record and stormed upstairs to my room.”