THE creators of the Bible have admitted that they were on incredible amounts of hallucinogens when they penned it.
In a rare Easter interview, the authors have confirmed that the reason the best-selling book is full of such batshit nonsense is because they were under the influence of a range of narcotics while writing.
Matthew said: “There was no substance that I, and my fellow writers Mark, Luke and John, did not ingest during that crazy writing process. And frankly, it shows.
“I mean, the whole idea that God and the Holy Ghost are these omnipresent beings who can see and judge everything you do or think, that’s textbook cocaine paranoia.
“And we were going through a real blissed-out ecstasy buzz when we came up with all of Jesus’ ‘peace and love for your fellow man’ bullshit. But the flipside of that was the crazy ideas we put in the Old Testament.
“All that stuff in Leviticus about not wearing different types of wool, or eating things with many legs. If that doesn’t scream crystal meth psychosis I don’t know what does.
“And as for the Book of Revelation, we had a bad batch of LSD John bought off his dodgy cousin to thank for that tour de force of insanity. I just hope no one ever took it all seriously.”
