Woman gains superpower of invisibility by going out without make-up

A WOMAN has gained the incredible superpower of invisibility by going out with her hair scraped back and without any make-up.

Nikki Hollis, aged 32, discovered her amazing ability when she hugely overslept and was forced to go to work fresh-faced, whereupon she was ignored by everybody.

She said: “I’m still here. You just can’t see me.

“That bloke who eyes me up on the bus? Stared straight through. The creepy post guy who’s been making clicks and whistles at me every day for three years? Silent.

“I glided through crowds without being noticed by anyone, like I was in The Matrix or something. Even women didn’t spare me so much as a glance.

“I feel like I’ve hacked life, even though it did take me 15 minutes to get served in the hipster coffee place.”

Hollis is now considering getting a bit fat to see if she can fully achieve anonymity in the eyes of society.

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Smokers can't believe they're still getting away with fag breaks

SMOKERS have admitted they are incredulous that they still get 10 minutes off work whenever they fancy to have a fag.

Across Britain, smokers sloping off for a swift puff continue to pinch themselves that nobody is doing anything to stop them.

Nathan Muir of Colchester said: “Smoking’s a massive health risk and it’s hammering my bank balance, but I get to pop outside to feed my addiction five times a day, no questions asked.

“Every year I think ‘Surely this will be the one when they make fag breaks contractually illegal, because they’re a piss-take on an industrial scale.’

“But, perhaps because smoking’s still cool and tough, nobody wants to get in your way when you duck out to hang with the Marlboro gang.

“Add up all my fag breaks and I reckon I get an extra week off work every year. I know I should feel guilty, but it’s just too easy.”

Dr Helen Archer said: “By smoking at his current rate, Nathan has an 87 per cent chance of dying early. But sacking off work whenever you want, though.”

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