Woman late for work after stopping to stroke a cat for 10 minutes

A WOMAN was 10 minutes late for work after stopping to stroke a friendly cat in the street.

Nikki Hollis said: “I’m sorry but it really was a lovely cat. I could have lied and said I was stuck in traffic or something.

“But it really was a lovely cat.

“And he was rolling around on the floor and letting me rub his little belly, and then when I tried to walk away he followed me and was rubbing himself on my legs.”

She added: “What was I meant to do? Just keep walking and be on time for work? He was purring for Christ’s sake.

“Why can’t I just get paid to stroke cats for a living?”

“Seriously. Why not?”

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So-called 'women's cars' have no female genitalia, discover experts

VEHICLES described by men as ‘women’s cars’ do not have breasts or a vagina, experts have discovered.

The ‘women’s cars’ were given a thorough examination but nothing gender specific was discovered, despite a stereo button having a passing resemblance to an erect nipple.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “There’s a lot of confusion, but cars are genderless lumps of metal and plastic, like snails that ruin the environment.

“Some alpha males refer to cars as ‘she’ because they’re too insecure to consider the idea of riding a man into work.

“Some cars have been labeled ‘women’s cars’ by petrol-head chauvinists because slagging off an MX-5 helps them deal with the fact that their wives have left them.

“We also found no evidence of hairdressers in ‘hairdresser’s cars’.”

Brubaker added: “The confusion over cars and gender may also come from BMW X5s. They’re considered ‘men’s cars’ but although they don’t have a dick they are driven by dicks.”