EVERYTHING is now rock’n’roll except rock’n’roll itself, it has emerged.
Experts said that until recently the number of things that were rock’n’roll could be counted on one finger of one hand; rock’n’roll itself. This meant Elvis, John Travolta, Alvin Stardust and maybe the Beatles or the Rolling Stones.
Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, added: “The spirit of rock’n’roll has been passed to bungee jumping, attention-seeking pink socks and DIY shows that insist skirting boards are exciting.
“Other things that are rock’n’roll include Ramones t-shirts for toddlers, Melania Trump’s overcoats and Givenchy’s new Marquee Ballroom 1986 Sweat perfume range (£149.99).
“Meanwhile, rock’n’roll itself now enjoys the cosy, retired status of a mustard yellow cardigan.”
Marketing consultant Emma Bradford said: “When we say ‘rock’n’roll’ we’re not referring to Radio 2 playing Oliver’s Army to try and jolt the half-dead middle-aged.
“We’re talking about vibrant rock’n’roll, like a new app that alerts you when other new apps are available. Shit like that.”