Rock'n'roll continues to be least rock'n'roll thing in the world

EVERYTHING is now rock’n’roll except rock’n’roll itself, it has emerged.

Experts said that until recently the number of things that were rock’n’roll could be counted on one finger of one hand; rock’n’roll itself. This meant Elvis, John Travolta, Alvin Stardust and maybe the Beatles or the Rolling Stones.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, added: “The spirit of rock’n’roll has been passed to bungee jumping, attention-seeking pink socks and DIY shows that insist skirting boards are exciting.

“Other things that are rock’n’roll include Ramones t-shirts for toddlers, Melania Trump’s overcoats and Givenchy’s new Marquee Ballroom 1986 Sweat perfume range (£149.99).

“Meanwhile, rock’n’roll itself now enjoys the cosy, retired status of a mustard yellow cardigan.”

Marketing consultant Emma Bradford said: “When we say ‘rock’n’roll’ we’re not referring to Radio 2 playing Oliver’s Army to try and jolt the half-dead middle-aged.

“We’re talking about vibrant rock’n’roll, like a new app that alerts you when other new apps are available. Shit like that.”

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Man wearing chinos must not be aware there are other kinds of trousers

A MAN wearing chinos must somehow be unaware of all the other kinds of trousers in the world, it has been claimed.

Martin Bishop was seen wearing the chinos in his local coffee shop this morning, with many onlookers suggesting he ‘must have lost some sort of bet’.

Barista Nathan Muir said: “I don’t like to judge people because of their trousers, but I simply do not understand why he would be doing this?

“I didn’t say that to him. I just smiled, served him, said thanks for the tip and then silently judged him. What is wrong with him?”

Eyewitness Emma Bradford added: “That guy’s pretty cute. Maybe I’ll wander up to the counter while he’s there and…Jesus Christ what is he wearing on his legs?”

After Bishop left the coffee shop he was approached by a homeless man who offered to give him his trousers as he ‘looks like he needs them more than I do’.