Woman who is her own harshest critic gives glowing review again

A WOMAN who claims to be highly critical of herself has decided she is doing brilliantly.

Nikki Hollis is apparently always asking how she can perform better in her job and personal life, but usually finds she is great at everything.

Marketing assistant Hollis said: “I ask things like ‘Could I be doing more to make the company successful?’ and the answer is ‘no’ because sometimes I stay as late as half five.

“At the gym I ask if I should push myself harder, but going twice a month is a pretty big commitment for a busy professional like me, and I always walk miles on the running machine.

“I’m self-critical about everything. Today I questioned whether I made the most of the weekend, but actually I did because I went to the pub and watched all those repeats of Come Dine With Me.

“One area I could improve on is friendships. I’m so sparky and fun to be around I think my friends get jealous, so I should pretend to be a bit dull like them.”

Hollis added that she “works incredibly hard” at her relationship with partner Rob, and is never afraid to try adventurous bedroom things like leaving the light on.

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Fresher gets free condom that will stay in his wallet for next three years

A FRESHER has been given a free condom that will stay in his pocket throughout university.

18 year-old Wayne Hayes got the free contraceptive from a stall at his university’s Fresher’s Fair promoting safer sex, and does not realise that he will have the condom until it finally perishes.

Hayes said: “It’s really important to stay protected, especially as I expect to have quite a lot of sexual intercourse with women.

“I’m studying engineering and my main interests are role-playing games and manga, so I’ll probably meet lots of attractive like-minded girls in social clubs related to those activities.

“I’ve not actually had sex yet but I know about it from the internet. Apparently it’s great.”

Hayes, who will leave university in 2020 with his virginity fully intact, said: “As soon as I am confident enough to make eye contact with girls, I am going to start sowing my wild oats.

“That’s why it’s good to get a free condom, because otherwise I would probably be spending all my money on them and have nothing left for food.”