Office workers lunching in park turn feral

AN increasing number of office workers who eat their sandwiches in the park are not returning to work or society.

As the sunshine continues, hundreds of al fresco lunch-breakers are deciding to go feral and live in a hedge rather than return to the misery of office-based toil.

Former inland revenue worker Emma Bradford said: “I had just finished my Thai chicken wrap when my colleague said grimly, ‘it’s time’.

“But rather than trudging back to the cubicle and putting on my headset, I listened to my heart. I could hear nature calling me, or at least the small public field with a basketball hoop that passes for nature in a city.

“I told them I wasn’t going back, and they could have my desk trinkets and the sachets of low-calorie chocolate drink in my top drawer.”

Tom Logan, who did marketing bullshit, added: “I sleep in the park’s sandpit. It’s itchy but I am free, I talk to the squirrels and the magpies, I eat leaves and drink rain water.

“There are others here like me, including a former temp worker everybody thought was in the stationary cupboard.”