Year Nine announce gains in war against enthusiastic new teacher

LEADERS of the Year Nine rebel insurgency have announced significant gains in its war against a keen new teacher.

Intelligence reports confirmes that trainee teacher Miss Fisher, who has been attempting to empathise with and inspire pupils at St Thomas Secondary in Swansea against their will, spent an hour eating chocolate biscuits and crying in a darkened classroom yesterday.

Rebel leader Nikki Hollis said: “Good, good. We can win this war.

“She came in here all full of energy and excitement, so giddy it was as if she was high off the whiteboard markers, which we obviously accused her of being.

“Determined to make us learn, her innovative new techniques were no match for our arsenal of guerrilla warfare tactics including pretending we couldn’t hear her, playing dog noises on our phones and blaming everything on an imaginary boy called Connor.”

Hollis added: “Let me be clear, this is simply war. We take no pleasure in it.

“Well, except for when Aaron called her Miss Fishyflaps. That was fucking funny.”

Neutral observers are divided over whether Fisher will leave teaching before Christmas or toughen her up so much that she will be deputy head within five years.