May makes generous offer to remain in reality for further two years

THE prime minister has offered to abide by the laws of reality for a further two years while details of the wonderful fantasyland awaiting Britain are negotiated. 

The move is a significant change to previous policy, which had Britain departing from the real world completely in 2019 for a fabulous imaginary realm of prosperity.

In a speech in Florence, May said: “The people of Britain have chosen to live in a magical land where golden apples grow on every tree and it rains champagne, and live in that land we shall.

“But not all of our sugar-spun castles are quite completed yet and the ability to soar in the air free as a bird is still in beta-testing, so we have told reality if we remain part of it until 2021 we will continue to play by its rules.

“In return I have asked the real world to be creative and meet Britons halfway in their desire to turn anything they touch into gold, which they must be granted because they voted for it last year.”

May reiterated that in the long-term Britain will still exit the physical world entirely to exist eternally in the faerie realms, while still taking anything it wants from reality whenever it wants it.

But voter Margaret Gerving said: “She promised no compromises. She’s a bloody traitor.”