A PERFECTLY rational man is planning to build a nuclear fallout shelter.
After reading the news, father-of-two Tom Logan momentarily passed out then began looking at bunkers and radiation suits on the internet.
He said: “I’m not paranoid or a survivalist or anything like that.
“It just seems like a good idea to get in there now because this stuff is going to go be going up in price quicker than secondhand Prince records.”
Logan estimates that £7k should get him a serviceable shelter, capable of withstanding a two megaton blast when Emperor Trump decides the UK is no longer an ally of Trumpmerica.
He added: “You can basically buy the shelter ready-made but then you have to hire a JCB to excavate the garden to a depth of 20 feet, which I imagine will annoy the neighbours.
“But they could come and live with us underground, or at least one of them could because there’s limited space.
“Also I’m going to need to de-clutter the spare room as a store for 8,000 cans of freeze-dried pineapple chunks.”