US wondering if it should invade Iraq

AMERICA is wondering if it should invade Iraq to prevent the country from descending into a bloody civil war.

As Islamists took control of Mosul, Iraq’s second city, US military experts said that perhaps American troops can solve the problems that have somehow beset the country over the past decade.

Retired US General Norman Steele said: America can no longer stand idly by. Maybe we need to impose peace by force. Ive a vague idea we did something similar a while back and it seemed to work well.

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Salmond accuses JK Rowling of sorcery

SCOTTISH National Party leader Alex Salmond has accused JK Rowling of casting demonic mind-spells.

As the Harry Potter author gave £1m to the pro-UK campaign, Salmond said she was a ‘voodoo wizard’ adding: “As we have long suspected, these books are based on a true story.”

Rowling hit back, saying that Salmond was minimising the risks of Scottish independence, while stressing that was a ‘fairly straightforward statement’ rather than a ‘wizardy incantation’.

But Salmond replied: “It is the spell of ‘reasonablacorum’. And did you notice that when she said it, she sounded a bit like a snake?”

Pro-independence campaigners backed Salmond, claiming that in her past evil lives Rowling was a slave who collaborated with the Confederacy and a Nazi spy who reported directly to Joseph Goebbels.

Martin Bishop, from Fife, said: “And now she slithers among us, with her darting tongue and massive, unpatriotic houses.

“I still like the films though.”

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