Monday, 8th March 2021

Anything to do with computers: Five jobs parents will never understand

MANY modern jobs are bullshit, but your parents are still weirdly incapable of understanding what you do for a living. Here are five jobs they will never get their heads around.

Anything to do with computers

Unless it’s the computer that cracked the Enigma code, your parents won’t understand. You could try to explain the concept of data entry with sock puppets and they still won’t get it. Despite thinking your job is nonsense they’ll expect you to instantly solve their computer problems, like when they washed it with hot, soapy water.   

Therapist

Back in your parents’ day, men didn’t have emotions and women took out their frustrations by burning the dinner as God intended. Ironically, it’s the effect of this repression that’s keeping your therapist in business, and you secretly hope your folks never discover the benefits of talking about their feelings.

University English lecturer

Dad will remind you that he’s perfectly capable of speaking English without having to give lectures about it to a room full of girls, thank you very much. Mum will pretend to understand while secretly wishing that you taught something more impressive with an ‘ology’ in the title.

Whatever people do in offices

Parents tend to think of white collar jobs as little more than going to meetings and spouting corporate jargon. And while they’re right a lot of the time, they’ll never grasp that you might be doing something economically productive rather than just carrying pieces of paper around for no reason.

YouTube unboxer

Your dad may ask why you haven’t tried to make a fortune with this racket yourself. You’ll try to explain that you’ve got too much integrity to do this flakey non-job, before asking if your old boxed Castle Grayskull is still in their loft.